i feel like crying

My tears seem to have dried up.

I saw his eyes, he was strong at the beginning. but after the ritual, we saw his eyes holding back his tears. yet when we left, we said one wrong thing - "bye bye". To be superstitions, u're not suppose to say "bye bye" or "再见", it means to see him again in a funeral.
As i and chyi stepped in, we felt sad. Never to have expected to attend such a thing. I bet he had many untold words for his mum. Have you said " iloveyou,mum" before?

We gave the "bai jin" then talked to him. he was actually okay. he laughed at our jokes, but it was the ritual that kind of brought him back to the reality world. i hope he will be strong this sunday as its "chu bing". I guess sunday would be a hard day for him to get over. Yet, i wish he'll take care and stay strong.

I guess, its when you've lost someone then you realised that there are LOTS of untold truths. You just hope that he/she will stay by your side one more day to hear all your untold words.
i wish to be hugged for another day. i wish to sleep by his/her side for one more day. to leave with a happy memory. Again and again, i tell myself to be strong and salvage whats left behind, to try my best and live with no regrets and not to shed another tear due to loneliness.

im feeling super emo now. i feel bad inside me. i feel my life crushing down. yet no one can cheer me up. i guess im still not at that age to be ready to accept losing someone in my life. so please dont leave, grandma.

[gu-ji gu-ji doesnt work tonight. im sorry.]
[Thanks Jac for the night out.]

Still dreaming.. Yet another dream that did not happen. i just lay there helplessly.